With Purpose Success, part 60

This higher level of relating to those who matter the most is all part of speeding up as you reach the finish line. With time so dear, you come to realize that it just doesn't make any sense to lose a minute on trivial things or on trivial relationships. That's why I regard Nieto's marathon metaphor as so powerful. Look ahead to your finish line. You don't need to be ill to see it. You've probably got a bunch of good years left. But why not speed up anyway, and find and focus on the people and pursuits that really matter? 

Speeding up transformed Augie Nieto. He realized that before his illness he had been spending too much time building a shallow circle of acquaintances to fill out his life with activities and fun. What was missing, he concluded during his illness, were close relationships that would help him discover what he was all about and pursue new paths. He chose another metaphor to explain this idea to me: 

Think of performing on a stage with all the people in your life seated in the theater. Some are in the front row. Some are in the middle section, and others are seated way back. Those in the back row can barely see what's going on, and they are only modestly involved in your life. They can't see you sweat or wink or slip-or nail your lines. They may be interested, but in a detached and easily distracted way. Those in the middle rows have a slightly better feel for your performance. But you're still not making eye contact; there's much that they too miss. The folks in the front rows, on the other hand, see your every expression and do not miss a line. They pay close attention and practically live your performance with you. They may even feel the spittle from your mouth as you approach the front of the stage and passionately belt out your words. It is they you are performing for. They are the ones who really count. 

In life, Augie told me, focus on people in your front rows. "It's so easy to waste your time on the wrong people," he says. "Only when your time has grown short do you realize all of the lost opportunities. You could have spent your time with someone who really cares." 

One Good Woman-or Man 

If developing deep relationships and continually restocking the pool are so important, why is it so difficult? The Greek philosopher Diogenes spent his entire life searching for one good man, and by his account he never succeeded. Both Aristotle and Cicero considered a true friend among the most unusual of treasures. "The wish for friendship develops rapidly, but friendship does not," wrote Aristotle. "That such friendships are rare is natural . . . they need time and intimacy." 

Oh, yes. We have many acquaintances; the average number of "friends" that people claim in their lifetime numbers in the hundreds. But you cannot possibly have that many "meaningful" relationships of the sort that Augie Nieto has come to value. We routinely substitute the sweet nectar of deep and genuine friendship for the artificial flavor of passing acquaintances. We have filled our lives with a revolving door of folks who serve a purpose for a while but vanish as quickly as they appeared.