With Purpose Success, part 59

But rather than die, as he had intended, Nieto was hospitalized and fell into a strange and revealing coma. For several days he could not move a muscle or communicate in any way. Yet his mind was alert, and he could hear everything being said around him. As his family and close friends kept a bedside vigil, they tearfully talked of their love for him and their hope that he would revive. Nieto was moved by their expressions of love for him, even as he lay in this comatose state with, in the best-case scenario, nothing but physical challenges ahead. 

For the first time in his life he saw and felt that he was deeply loved by those closest to him regardless of his appearance, physical abilities, sexual prowess, business acumen, money, or influence. He reflected that his wonderful wife and kids and close friends seemed to love him unconditionally, which he had never suspected. This realization both liberated and empowered him-and helped him shake off the coma. And it ultimately totally reshaped his worldview. "I woke up and was able to accept my diagnosis," Nieto said, further reflecting that "your body is just an envelope. You and what you stand for are inside." Once he realized that, Nieto said, "I was no longer just reacting; I was able to act. With encouragement and support I was determined to make a difference-a big difference." 

We too often seek in ourselves and in our friends superficial qualities.

Yet appearances are not the root of meaningful relationships. Augie 

Nieto had to fall desperately ill to realize that. Perhaps you've reached some nadir in life too. Hopefully not. But if you have hit a snag let the example set by Nieto-or quite possibly someone you know, a neighbor, friend, or family member-serve to reinvigorate you and enliven your personal quest for purpose in the relationships around you. 

The wisdom that Nieto acquired through his illness proved of such ultimate value to him that he eventually grew to accept his multiplying physical limitations. Only through the lens of his illness was he able to see life clearly. "Here's a guy who defined himself by his physical body as well as his mind, and now his physical body is like the crate he was shipped in," his wife, Lynn, told me. "His focus is stronger now. He's not out doing the one-hour runs and the massive workouts. But he's spending that energy elsewhere, where it really counts." 

Lynn Nieto says her husband's illness, and the revelations it stirred, actually drew the two much closer together. "I know things about my husband that most people will never know about their spouse," she says. "I know the way his beard grows. I know how to shave him. I know how to care for him in a physical way that I cherish. It takes forever for us to get ready in the morning. But I don't find that it's important that I'm ready to go at 7:30 am I cherish the preciousness of each day." She says that "our marriage is stronger than it's ever been." Of course from time to time they disagree. "But there's a whole different thought process of how long you're going to stay mad," she says. "You ask yourself: How significant was that? Do I really want to pick that fight?"