Things are different today. Most adults own a house or condo. Who doesn't own a car-maybe even two? Global prosperity has heaped material things upon us in abundance. Heck, even if you can't afford a summerhouse, a Jaguar, or private jet, for relatively little you can time-share such things and give the impression of material success beyond your means.
But here's the thing. Increasingly, as people reach their forty-fifth or fiftieth birthday they start to think about success from the other side- not from the outside looking in but from the inside out. It's not about the material things I can show the world, but about how I feel about the work
I do; it's about the relationships I have and the love I share.
Not long ago I was watching Larry King interview the rock-and-roll legend Eric Clapton on TV. At one point King began to carry on about how Clapton, in his heyday, was hailed as a guitar god-the best ever.
It must have been an incredible high and extremely gratifying to be so highly regarded, King noted to Clapton. In journalist circles this kind of flattery is known as lobbing a softball. It gives the person being interviewed an easy thing to talk about. But Clapton wouldn't swing at it. His response was impressively self-reflective.
No, the rock legend said, that was not such a great period in his life.
Even though others saw him as on top of his game he was not able to play the way he wanted to play, make the sounds he wanted to make. Sure, he had lived up to other's expectations of success. But from the inside looking out, he had disappointed himself. He was not yet what he wanted to be, and that was an urgent matter to him-no matter what his fans thought.
One last thought on this kind of success. Some years ago I was helping Jimmy Carter gather his thoughts for his book The Virtues of Aging, and at one point I said to him, "President Carter, I have a crazy question for you. I'm about the age now that you were when you were president.
Have you come to any new perspectives about what matters in life, now that you're older?" His answer was to the point: "Earlier in my life I thought the things that mattered were the things that you could see, like your car, your house, your wealth, your property, your office. But as I've grown older I've become convinced that the things that matter most are the things that you can't see-the love you share with others, your inner purpose, your comfort with who you are."
President Carter's words sent chills up my spine. It may make perfect sense to dance to society's beat for the first fifty years of your life. You have physical and material needs, and to get them a certain amount of conforming and practical thinking is required. But in this next stage of life things are different. You have the opportunity to reflect on what really matters and move your measuring stick for success-from the outside looking in, to the inside out.
Beyond Maslow
There's a third version of success in today's world, one that comes far closer to hitting the significance mark but that falls short nevertheless.
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