With Purpose Success, part 75

People like Michelle Mundy, Mark Goldstein, and Gerald Chertavian have enormous impact, and so could you by finding a group like theirs, or starting one, and coaching someone who might benefit from your interests, experiences, or particular set of skills. And as each of them points out-you'll benefit too from fresh perspectives that can only come from people who are not part of your age or economic or ethnic demographics. 

The Win-Win 

I've described mentoring as a two-way street, and it really is. You get as much as you give. I recall a project decades ago when I was asked to teach a group of elders how to take better care of their health. I would engage them in yoga and meditation for a while, and afterward we'd just sit and talk. These elders loved the time they spent regaling each other-and me-with tales from their younger days. It was a joy for them to voice their memories. 

The strange thing was that the more I indulged them the more I found myself enraptured by what they had to say. I often felt that what they had to say to me was far more interesting than what I had been teaching them. They had so much stored knowledge. When I got beneath the surface-to their stories and insights, and the moments that had changed their lives-there was so much for me to learn from them. 

Experiences like that are what propelled me into the aging field.

Today we have a society groping for wisdom and guidance, as illustrated by the explosion of self-help books and self-appointed media gurus. 

Yet it may be the person living in the apartment next door who has the answers you really need. By not seeking that person out; by not setting up mechanisms for that kind of exchange, collectively we're letting some of the greatest wealth of our time go to waste. Meanwhile, as individuals we're failing to explore a gold mine of potentially transforming yet-to-be relationships. 

A Confession 

OK, so even though the title of this chapter suggests that our marriages might not be the most important relationship in our lives, the truth of it is-in mine it is. That might be the case for you too, if you are married or have a longtime partner. The title is not to be taken literally. I'm just saying you need to shake things up and keep pursuing other relationships even as you take care of this paramount one. Over the long haul, there's no question that my connection with my wife, Maddy, ultimately towers over all other relationships in my life. But this special quarter- century love affair doesn't always just "fall into place," and there are times when we're ready to strangle each other or when it feels as though the other activities of our lives have formed jungle vines that threaten to cover-or even bury-our connection.